Left with nothing
by BritishAlien
Summary: The 11th Doctor has just regenerated into the 12th Doctor. Set straight after the regeneration scene of 'The Time of the Doctor'. NOW COMPLETE. If you wish to check out a writing on that scene then look out for my story, 'A life worth living'. Hope you enjoy. xxx
1. Left with nothing

'Just one question. Do you happen to know how to fly this thing?' Everything had gone. There was a blank slate. He had been left with nothing. He watched as the brown haired girl's eyes pierced his own.

'Me? Why me?'

'I don't know. I might have taught you at some point or other. I might have been helpful once upon a lifetime. CAN YOU FLY HER?' The Doctor shouted over the wheezing engines as he tried to keep his balance. There was nothing that could help them out of the situation as the swaying only added to his confusion. This was not the time to feel like he had jumped into a blender. Surely, his past-self had the foresight to train anyone who travelled with him to at least keep the TARDIS under control should something like this occur. Well, that's what he would have done.

'No, I can't. Aren't you supposed to be able to do all that?' Clara was stuck in a crashing TARDIS without her Doctor. The man who was supposed to be the new Doctor was asking for help that she could not give.

'I would if there was any information.'

'Information?'

'There is no information' He said smacking his forehead, trying to knock any kind of data from it, but all to no avail. He surveyed what was supposedly his. 'All of these lights and buttons and levers mean nothing to me. And this crashing and banging and stumbling DOES…NOT…HELP!' the Doctor shouted over the roar of the TARDIS engines. As if she were an obedient child who could see their parent in pain, the TARDIS stopped shaking and hung silently in space. The Doctor and Clara hesitantly looked around the room, waiting for the ship to begin its jolting journey through the universe, but they remained still. The TARDIS had heard them. 'Oh. Well…thank you, dear. Wish you'd do that more often.' The Doctor said patting the control panel and watching as the central gallopiter rose steadily up and down. The TARDIS thrummed a reassuring sigh, but both occupants knew that this was a one off. The new Doctor would not be allowed such peace again.

'You said you'd remember. You're the same man on the inside with the same memories, right?'

'I don't think this change has been kind enough to allow me my memories.' The Doctor said undoing the top button of his collar. He needed to breathe some new air into the lungs, the colour of which he did approve, and ventilate the new body. He paced around the room before the painful shoes that bound his feet became unbearable. He bent down and untied them. Pulling at each lace with a new found ferocity before throwing each shoe over his shoulder and onto the lower level of the console room. He sat flexing his toes and running a hand through his new hair. It didn't feel as full as the last few times, but it was there nonetheless. It felt untidy, but that's what regeneration did. Everything was tinged with the after-glow of the energy that prompted the change. The sparkle would keep the world at bay for the new Doctor for a time, but soon it would flicker away and he would have to embrace the full force of what the universe had to throw at him.

He had caught a slight glimpse of a reflection as he had peered into Clara's eyes. His face had looked thinner. He drew his hands down his face, measuring the cheek bones until he reached the chin. It was a lot smaller. Thank goodness. He drew his hands out in front of him and examined the fingers. The skin was more wrinkled and worn, the nails would need cutting, but there was nothing major that he didn't approve of. The body was older. Something he felt relieved about. His last two selves had been unbelievably spry and had expounded immeasurable amounts of energy at every turn only to appear to fit their faces. He had been exhausted and now he could at least take some liberties in his actions. With a simple examination of his new form complete, he pushed himself off the floor and hovered over one of the TARDIS panels, trying to lure a memory out of hibernation. He knew what he wanted to do. He wanted to get them into the time vortex. If they stayed there for a while, just until the new him was settled, then he would be able to work towards rebuilding his life.

'You can't remember anything?' Clara had followed his movements, unable to move herself, with trepidation. She didn't want to get in the way because he needed the chance to remember himself, but she wanted to go up and shake him into remembering. The Doctor tried not to look at her. He didn't need reminding of what he was not allowed to know.

'A few things. Here and there. Faint whispers of what could have been. I don't know.' He glanced at the TARDIS. He felt like he was pleading for her to let him have something. Anything. Any scrap of information to help him.

'Who am I? What's my name?' The Doctor's new eyes snapped towards Clara. Slowly, he turned to face the young woman who he had found in his TARDIS. He walked slowly towards her, taking in every piece of information he could. He took her hands in his. To the touch, his skin was cold but as they grasped her hands tighter, warmth from beneath the skin broke through. He looked deep into her eyes. His blazed away as if filled with star-fire. She could have fallen into them so easily. He observed every facet and looked deep into her soul. He had never seen a companion quite like this. Maybe that was one of the perks of his new body; he was much more perceptive with the smallest of gestures communicating the unimaginable. He looked at her for a long time, unblinking. Soon however, his eyebrows dropped and he had to admit defeat. He had indeed been left with nothing.

'I'm sorry.' He dropped her hands and watched as they fell to her side. She looked at him in disbelief. How could he have forgotten her? He walked away from her and leant over the TARDIS console, staring at the central column almost begging her to give him some answers, but she would do no more. She had helped him out already and allowed him to drag what was left of his mind back to one place in peace. He would have to find out the rest for himself or go forward without being able to look back. A man is the sum of his memories, a Time Lord even more so, but when those precious gems are gone, a man is left with one choice. To go forward and discover the new self. He must become what he thinks best with no comprehension of what had been before. He could be a new man.

He felt a tap on his shoulder and as he turned to see the girl, he saw her smiling. 'It's ok.' She held her hand out for him to shake. 'Hello…my name's Clara.' She whispered, trying not to burst into tears. He glanced from her hand to her face. Tears hung in her eyes, ready to fall, but her smile only invited him in. He could understand why the past him had brought her along.

'Hello, Clara. I'm the Doctor.'

-x-x-x-

Thank you for reading. I hope that you enjoyed it. xxx


	2. Regaining

The Doctor grabbed her hand and shook it tightly. He felt his new face break into a large toothy grin. It was a voluntary action and one that felt, for the first time, like it was completely his. The muscles formed his first smile and it felt amazing. Maybe this man liked to smile a lot. He breathed a sigh of relief as he realised that everything would be okay. It would take a while to get used to his new self; a new body is like a new house, it takes a little bit of time to settle in. And it would take time to build a rapport with Clara, but he was certain from looking at her smile and into her eyes that the clean slate was not a punishment, but an opportunity.

A single tear trickled down Clara's cheek as she returned the smile. Happiness lay beneath the tears as she let go of his hands to try and dab the tears away with her finger. The Doctor reached into an inside pocket of his jacket and pulled out a pure white handkerchief which he handed to Clara.

'I'm sorry.' She whispered as she dabbed at her eyes with the soft piece of cloth.

'Don't be.' He replied, as she folded the handkerchief away and gave it back to him. She watched him return it neatly to his inside pocket. She looked him up and down taking in every detail. The Doctor had a sudden urge to twirl for her and show himself off, which she chuckled at. He raised his arms above his head and span round before turning back to face her. That winning smile greeted him only for her to dive right at him, flinging her arms around his waist and pulling in for a hug.

The Doctor was somewhat taken aback by her actions and raised his arms as if being held at gun point. He had to make his first important decision. The first one that was completely him and not dictated by the men he had been. He didn't know what to do. Should he hug her back? Could he? Regeneration changed many things and with his lack of memory, he wasn't sure how much the hug was a part of what they had been or at the relief of them both being okay. Her head was nuzzled into his chest and he could hear a stifled cry as she held onto him tighter. He could feel his hearts beating faster as his new body became used to this level of intimacy. Considering they were practically strangers once again, the sensation was odd, but reassuring. He wanted to hug her. He wanted to comfort her as she had made everything seem alright. He didn't need to be sorry for his loss when there was nothing either of them could do, but accept it. He was a new man with a completely new chance to do everything that the universe would allow and even things that it wouldn't. After the few moments of uncertainty, he slowly lowered his arms and linked his hands behind her back. He placed his cheek on the top of her head, waiting for some reaction from her, but there wasn't one. They just stood silently, with the thrum of the TARDIS accompanying their stillness.

'How do you feel?' Clara's muffled whisper asked as she embraced the man she had travelled with for so long, knowing that he was safe. Her young Doctor had been right; he would always be the Doctor. Even if at first things seemed difficult, with time things would settle back into a natural order.

'Sick to my poorly decorated kidneys.' He joked as they both pulled away from the hug. He flattened out his slightly crumpled shirt as Clara wiped the last of her tears away.

'Is there anything I can do?'

'I think I'd like to wait this one out on my own for a bit. Try and cobble together what I can and see where to go from there.' He said as he surveyed the console room. He could see his breath in the air, tinged with a golden sparkle that dissipated into nothing. The room was colder than he remembered it being with Clara wrapping her arms around herself to stay warm.

'Do you want me to stay with you?'

'I'll be fine .You should go and get some sleep and warm up. I have some things to attend to.'

'Well, if you need me, just shout, okay?' The Doctor nodded as Clara tried to think of anything else to say. Nothing came to her so she flashed another smile his way before turning to walk out of the console room. She was tired, both physically and emotionally, and a bit of sleep would do her good.

'Oh and Clara…' Her name felt like honey as he called her back. She snapped round to see the new Doctor standing up straight and proud, framed by his TARDIS.

'Yes?'

'Thank you.' He threw her what he hoped was a winning smile. She returned it and walked out of the console room. She had just passed out of sight when he let his defences drop. The residual stinging around his kidneys was lingering and making him feel sick. He used one hand to steady himself as he leant against the TARDIS console. He scrunched his eyes as a sharp headache waged war on his cranium, like a battering ram was being pounded against his skull. The migraine subsided after a few moments and the Doctor tried to take stock and regain some form of balance. He then turned to his next agenda.

'So…' the Doctor said addressing his TARDIS '…what do you think?' There was a moment of silence as he spread his arms out to welcome the opinion of his longest travelling companion. 'I'll need a closer look at it some time soon, but it doesn't seem too bad from the inside. Scottish accent as well. I can hear the lilt in the voice. Definitely older, but not necessarily wiser, eh?' He said, nudging one of the control panels and having it bleep back at him. There was still no response from his ship. He furrowed his new eyebrows in confusion. He let his arms drop down to his side as he accepted the reality. 'Yeah, you're right. It'll take a bit of getting used to, but I promise that I won't let it change us, okay?' He said, calmly stroking one of the instruments and leaning down to kiss part of the circuitry. At his touch, the TARDIS seemed to light up. The turquoise blues that illuminated the TARDIS seemed to become warmer and more vibrant. The Doctor laughed as he felt himself and the TARDIS become one. 'Are you jealous of Clara? Is that why there's a chill in the air?' He said as he let out another shimmering breath. The TARDIS whined in disapproval as if he had caught her out. 'You don't need to worry, old girl. I promise.'

Suddenly, a shot seemed to fire somewhere in the TARDIS and the impact caught him in the stomach, this time forcing him to the floor. He clutched his stomach tightly, trying to keep still, but the heavy breathing only agitated the pain more. He screwed up his eyes again to deal with the hazy cloud that seemed to have descended over him.

'Back on Gallifrey, they said that it would get easier with each change.' He relented as the pain convulsed around every organ with the pumping of his blood.

'They lied.' The Doctor's head snapped up and his eyes flared open. In the black chair that, along with varying control panels, lined the main hub of the console room, a woman reclined gracefully and watched him. She wore a short black skirt, with long black tights and comfortable shoes. Her jacket was black leather and her shirt had an unrecognisable pattern printed over it, but most was hidden by a shock of long ginger hair. The Doctor steadied himself leaning on his right arm and clutching at his stomach with his left. 'You've got a Scottish accent. I think that's bazillion-nil to me, don't you think?'

-x-x-x-

Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. xxx


	3. The memories

'Amelia Pond?' The words seemed to pour out of his mouth with no conscious decision to say them. They were just there. He had a memory. One wasn't a lot but it was something.

'Bravo raggedy man. Twelve out of ten for observation.' She uncrossed her legs and leapt up from the chair. The Doctor was happy concentrating on keeping himself upright as he swapped the hand that he leant on.

'What are you doing here?' He looked at the ginger girl in complete awe. He had forgotten her. There had been no thoughts about her in his head and then suddenly, there she was along with every single thing about her. The day he had first crash landed in her back garden, the time they went to Space Florida, the many times they had kissed. Everything about her had come back to him. She walked over to where he had fallen and leant against the TARDIS console, just staring down at him.

'I'm a memory. The last of what little there is left for you to remember.'

'I thought I'd lost you.' The Doctor could feel his face tighten into a nervous smile as memories flooded back into his head. Every single person he had travelled with and every single place he had been reawakened in his brain in glorious techni-colour. But soon the elation of regaining his memories was clouded by questions. His daydream became a little darker. 'Why are you here?' The Doctor asked, once again swapping the army he leaned on. It was becoming more difficult to keep himself upright as the migraine swarmed around his brain. Soon he gave up on holding himself up and decided to concentrate on keeping the trunk of his new body upright without support. The concentration required was phenomenal and not aided by the throbbing headache. His new body just wanting to flop back onto the floor and let him pass out or fall into sleep, but he would not be allowed this luxury just yet.

At his question, Amy turned away from him and started to trace a path around the console. She started half-heartedly flicking levers and pushing buttons on the console. The Doctor didn't mind. If anything she would probably be able to get the TARDIS moving more than he had been able to do. As she disappeared behind the central column, the Doctor tried to up with push himself up onto his knees to catch a glance through the glass and see her. 'Are you even real?' He called. Amy popped her head around the side of the pillar and stared at him angrily; appearing to have been offended. 'You could be my mind playing tricks on me. It isn't unusual for Time Lords to hallucinate in the early stages of regeneration. Hedin used to say that if you're not seeing things, then the mind is locked and will remain sealed.' The Doctor laughed as he remembered the old face of one of his favourite mentors. Pity about the whole Omega thing.

'How do you know what Hedin said?'

'I…I don't know.' He had to admit that he had no idea where his memories had come from. They had just appeared as soon as he had hit the floor and seen the girl who waited. Waiting no more.

'Hmmm. It appears the process is awakening images from your past. You are being allowed flashes of memory.' Amy had returned to her place in front of him. What did she mean by process?

'"The process"? Amy, what are you talking about? What do you mean by "allowed" and by whom exactly?' The Doctor could feel his temperature rising as he became angry that anybody else had dominion over what he could and could not do. The pain in his stomach squealed at his change in mood and the migraine forced itself home. It was almost unbearable. If it wasn't for his insatiable curiosity, the Doctor would have given up.

'Well, who do you think normally determines what you remember and what remains at the back of your thoughts?' Amy asked him. The Doctor couldn't think. The headache felt like it was clogging his brain. It was difficult to see anything with clarity. After a moment of stunned confusion, Amy took a step closer to the Doctor so that she nearly stood on his shoeless foot. 'Whilst you're working that one out, let's have a proper look at you.' Without any opportunity for complaint, the Doctor felt two invisible hands grab hold of his shoulders.

'Amy, what's happening?' Slowly, the Doctor was pulled off the TARDIS floor until he hung in the air at Amy's height so that he stared her right in the eyes. His feet hung limply in the air, unable to get a purchase on the glass floor. He was floating in mid-air watching as his former companion circled him, checking out every new detail. This didn't feel like when Clara had inspected him. Clara had seen most of his faces and knew about regeneration and the change. He had made sure of it before he became the man he was now. However, the scrutiny of his young friend was almost embarrassing. Especially as Amy had known him primarily as the young wonder, the madman with a box, Mr Bow-ties are cool. Even with the little information he had managed to glean without the use of a mirror, he knew the body was old. He knew it was going to be a love or hate situation at first glance. 'AMY!' He shouted trying to kick or flap his arms, but there was no movement no matter how hard he concentrated.

'You're older.' Amy laughed as she returned to face him.

'I am…aware of this.' He breathed, still trying to move his lifeless limbs. 'I don't know how you're doing this, but will you let me stand?' The Doctor could just about move his head and indicated his hovering feet.

'No.'

'Why?'

'Because I won't let you fall.'

'Amy, please explain to me what is going on. I don't know what's real and what isn't anymore and whatever is real, I don't know why it is. Help me out here.' The Doctor implored. His memories had returned and with them a former companion who he had loved dearly, but she had also learned how to make people levitate and appear out of nowhere. Something wasn't right and he just wanted to get things straight.

'The fall after Clara left the console room wasn't caused by post-regeneration shock. Your legs are not strong enough yet.' The Doctor looked down to his legs as they hung limply, showing off the pair of odd socks that had become a love of his in every regeneration. Who had time for matching socks anyway?

'Not strong enough?'

'You were granted a new life cycle. Your head is crammed with lifetimes of loves and losses, triumphs and defeats, hurt and happiness. You lived.'

'What does that have to do with my legs? Why am I seemingly only 'allowed' to remember my past when you are here?' He was trying to keep calm in the situation. He was hanging by his shoulders from an invisible harness and being confronted with the idea that his legs didn't work because he had a head full of memories. As far as he could remember, there wasn't an even swap between those two. He could normally walk around and have full control over his faculties. Normally. In the case of regeneration, rules were off.

'Your hard-drive is full, but more space is required. Your life force is being temporarily diverted to your brain. You do not need to move for this process to go ahead.' It was something to do with his memory, but why was his memory so important all of a sudden? After a few of his regenerations he had lost bits and pieces but it would always come back to him with time.

'I can't walk because I'm making more room for things that I previously didn't even remember? Take me for a bumbling old fool if you wish, but I don't understand the logic here.' He just wanted to sleep. He wanted to rest and to recuperate from a regeneration which was never supposed to happen. He wanted his reward.

'You have filled your head over your lifetimes with so many stories, but on the advent of the new regeneration cycle, your body was not prepared to store all of this information. The life energy from the rest of your body is being used for another purpose. We removed your memory whilst we tried to cultivate more space for it with intentions to restore your memory when the new space has been made.'

'So once this is over, I'll be able to remember all those things I forgot? All of these places and people.' The Doctor took solace in the idea that he would be able to remember all that he had been. He had been happy enough to resign himself to the idea of a completely new path, but now that he had a glimpse of what he had been, he could see no other way forward. He wanted to build on his lives-long story and become all the better for what he had done. But Amy's silence did not convince him that everything would be ok.

'No. Things will be lost. Complications have arisen. You will even forget this when you wake.' The look on her face was filled with regret. She had to break the news to him considering the circumstances, but it was not an easy thing to hear. Once treated to such a rich history, only to be told that it would be taken away was near enough hearts-breaking. The Doctor's mind was hit by another wave of aching disappointment.

'I'm asleep?'

'The initial extraction during regeneration weakened your physical tolerances. The excavation pain knocked you out. Sorry.' He would wake up from this experience and not even remember. He supposed that he was thankful for that small mercy, but as he still hung from invisible hands, numb and broken hearted for those he would not remember, he wanted everything to stop.

'What about Clara?'

'She's asleep and you will return to the TARDIS' time stream when the process is complete. It will be as if nothing has happened. This is a temporal anaesthetic. You have been consciously taken out of time so that when you wake you will be able to start your life anew with the assurances that you now so desperately crave. You will get a clean slate. Anything that your imagination sets its hearts on.'

'Like a fairy tale.' He spat.

'Where the big bad wolf can't get you. You will be safe.' A voice he recognised so well, but one he had not heard for so long. He felt the invisible hands begin to lower him and as his feet touched the floor, he was able to take control. He could stand solidly although at first he was wary about his movement. One false step and he'd be on the floor again. He didn't turn around at first. He knew who he would encounter. He knew the face he would see, but after all these years, seeing her was almost like a dream coming true, and in this world where the possession of his own memories was only fleeting, he didn't know if he dared to believe in dreams.

'Rose?'

'Hello Doctor. We shouldn't keep meeting like this, you know?' She said light-heartedly. The Doctor spun slowly and saw Rose Tyler. She stood in a blue leather jacket with pink shirt underneath and her black trousers. It was his Rose. Well, the old him. There she was just standing there like she had been frozen in time the day he had left her with the other Doctor. Sometimes he wished that he had stayed with her, but the rest of the time he was glad that she was happy without him. Having his memory back enabled him to think like this. He felt enlivened but also cursed. With the good came the bad. 'It's been too long, Doctor.'

'You haven't aged a day.' The Doctor replied.

'Same can't be said for you.' Rose had stepped closer to him and had started picking at his former self's clothing and ruffling his new hair.

'I know, but I'll get used to it in time.'

'I think it's charming. A mix between the Doctors I first knew.' Another voice chipped in. Another name that had lingered on the edge of thought for so long and now she was back in the TARDIS. Her home away from home. Rose had stepped back and allowed the Doctor to turn and see an older companion.

'Sarah Jane!'

'You look…incredible.' Sarah smiled walking close to the Doctor so that their faces were almost touching. Her eyes flickered over his new face, but he could not help but stare into her eyes. He had been foolish when he was younger. He should never have let her go. Damn the Time Lords and their rules. He should have taken her and then travelled everywhere with her. But he had obeyed the Time Lords rules and lost her.

'I got old, Sarah. I've changed.' He whispered, feeling a tear forming in his eye. He didn't know what this was. He didn't know why these people were here, but he knew that he had found his reward.

'And now you look a proper age. No baby face and your accent…It's almost alluring.' She kissed his cheek as the tear fell. His memories comforted him like he had never experienced before. He was home.

'Don't tell the ginger lassie but I think he got that from me.' A face peeked over Sarah Jane's shoulder. A young boy with brown hair and a fierce Scottish accent had arrived in the TARDIS. Sarah Jane pulled away and went to stand beside Amy and Rose. The three of them were forming a circle, with the Doctor in the middle.

'Jamie?'

'Not looking bad, Doc. Still got your wee recorder?' Jamie came forward and grasped the Doctor's hand. He shook it vigorously and the two laughed at seeing one another. It had been centuries since the Doctor had seen the young Jamie McCrimmon. The image of the recorder brought back more memories of his second body running around with Jamie and Zoe and Victoria back in those early days when there was no expectation on him. He could be who he wanted to be and have

'I haven't seen it for years.' He replied as he searched his mind for where he had last seen his favourite instrument.

'Good job an' all.' Jamie laughed. The pair hadn't stopped shaking hands. It was so good to see one another. It had been too long.

'Grandfather? Is it you?' The Doctor stopped shaking Jamie's hand and looked into his eyes. Jamie nodded towards the voice and backed away into the circle. The Doctor bit his lip and breathed in deeply before turning round to see Susan. 'A face that suits the name at last.'

'Susan. Oh my Susan. I never thought…I never even dreamed…' He pulled her towards him in the tightest hug he could muster. She hugged back with the same intensity as he picked her up off the floor and spun her round like he used to do when she was little. The pair laughed as they were reunited once again after all this time. He put her down, surprised at how much his strength had returned. Susan too pulled back to the circle and now the Doctor was completely surrounded. He spun round in the middle, looking at the beaming faces of those he cared for. These people had been affected by him dropping into their lives, but they had no idea how much they had changed his for the better. Without them he was nothing, and it slowly dawned on him as he searched for every last detail in their faces, that this would not last forever.

'I won't remember any of this. I'll lose you all again.'

'Not really, Doctor. We will always be with you.' Rose said as he turned to face her.

'You can't get rid of us that easily.' Jamie chipped in, smiling his usual cheeky grin.

'We may disappear from your mind, but we'll always linger in your hearts.' Sarah Jane placed her hand over her heart. The heart is so much stronger than the head because it contains room enough for endless loves and, with two, he had plenty of space for them all. 'After this dream ends, I want you to live your life to the fullest. Not because of what your past dictates, but because new memories are what take us onwards to better and brighter things.'

'No regrets, no tears, no anxieties. Just go forward in all your beliefs and prove to me that I am not mistaken in mine.' Susan chimed in above them all. The Doctor looked at her

'This window into your past will close soon, but so long as you know that you were a good man our job here is done. Be content in the knowledge that your lives were well lived.' The Doctor turned to each of his companions and bowed at each one. They all curtsied in response, even Jamie, whose tartan kilt allowed him to do so more effectively compared to the girls. These people were just a few of those he had influenced in his travels.

'I love you all.' The Doctor was able to mutter. He needed them to know that. Whilst he could still remember and while they were all there for him, he wanted them to know that they were loved.

'Good night, Raggedy man.' Amy whispered with a smile and she disappeared. One by one his former companions vanished before his eyes. Their last looks were filled with smiles and cheery waves. The last to go was Susan who blew a kiss through the air to him. He felt it land on his cheek as she disappeared into memory. The TARDIS was silent and the Doctor was left alone.

'Come back. Please. Come ba…' The Doctor's legs gave way once more and he fell to the floor and into sleep.

-x-x-x-

Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. xxx


	4. Part of the whole

The Doctor felt himself being drawn out of comfort and forced back into reality. His eyes snapped open as he realised that he was no longer standing. Indeed, he knew that he had fallen sharply as the bruises in his side began to make themselves known. He must have hit the floor with quite a lot of force. Enough to feel like he'd cracked two ribs, which in the first hour of regeneration was careless at best. He pushed himself up and sat on the steps leading into the depths of the TARDIS. He leant forward so that his elbows rested on his knees with his head steadily balanced on the palms of his hands. He looked around the TARDIS console room, scanning the hub of her domain with his new eyes. It was beautiful. He was fairly certain that he didn't get to sit down very often and just watch the TARDIS in flight. Her elegance in movement was unrivalled and her grace exceeded imagination. He was a very lucky Doctor.

'The label's sticking out of your jacket' Clara declared as she re-entered the console room. She walked a few paces before sitting next to the Doctor and tucking the loose label below the line of the collar. He tried to waft her meddling away with his hands, but all to no avail. Like a child stopping his mum from showing him up in front of the cool kids, he begrudgingly accepted her actions.

'I thought I told you to get some shut eye.' The Doctor turned to look at Clara, his hand on his forehead, afraid she was going to ruffle his hair.

'You're too cute!' She smiled.

'Cute?' The Doctor spat; slightly confused.

'You think I do as I'm told.' Clara watched as the Doctor rolled his eyes. Typical youth. Always running off. If only they'd listen to him, he wouldn't have to go off and save them, getting himself into even more of a pickle than before. Clara was worried that she'd perhaps found this Doctor's tipping point. A stickler for rules and being called 'cute' probably hadn't been what he was expecting. But then she saw his eyes shift from judgmental to light hearted disbelief. The Doctor laughed. His first full on laugh. He enjoyed the feeling. It sounded like he was trying to stifle it, but in the end couldn't help himself. Oh, he did like a good laugh.

'More fun that way, isn't it?' He flashed his winning smile and his eyes shone as he pulled her in for a one-armed hug. 'I'd do the same.' He said as he pulled away from the hug and returned his attention to the gallopiter in the centre of the room.

'You often did.' Clara reassured him. The Doctor smirked. A look of realisation, another memory about how he had once been, and acceptance of the man that came before him. He had read the rule book, studied the maps and thrown them out of the window. Intrigue and whimsical fancy had chartered his course. What would define the road of this new man? After a few minutes of nothing but the sound of the thrum of the TARDIS engines, Clara leaned closer to the Doctor. 'You seem a little…distant, are you ok?' The Doctor's ears perked up at the use of the word distant. If there was one thing he thought he was allowed to be, it was distant. Apart from the TARDIS and Clara, there was no definition of what he was or could be. There were limitless opportunities to be explored, depths of unforeseeable size to dive into, a void in his head that just ached to be filled.

'Well apart from the whole regeneration thing and emerging into this world with a sensational lack of memory, I'm not too bad. Teeth itch though. Are teeth supposed to itch?'

'No, I mean, more so than when I left you just now.'

The Doctor looked at her enquiring eyes. He knew what she meant. She could sense it too. Like something important had just shifted his focus. If there had been such a thing, he was certain he'd have remembered it. It was his long term memory that was gone, not his short term. The Doctor had to admit that the sheer amount of possibilities open to him was daunting. There were no limits. There was just…everything. And when the world is new and everything is thrust onto your shoulders, it is all a bit scary. He had to define this man, this entity, amidst everything and find his place in the stars. It was hardly unexpected that he might appear a little lost in its possibility.

'You know that feeling where you leave a room to go and get something but you can't quite remember what it is you were looking for when you get there?' It clearly wasn't just humans who did this. All species were prey to this bizarre loss of memory.

'Yeah?' The amount of times Clara had left the room again to see if she could remember what on earth it was she had needed.

'It's like that. Only it's not the room that's the problem.' Even the Doctor looked confused at what had just tumbled from his lips.

'Huh?'

'It's what I'm looking for.' The Doctor pushed himself from off the steps, clutching his side a little as the bruise gnawed at his side.

'You mean your memories?' Clara went to follow him, but a lingering hand demanded she stay seated.

'Not exactly. I don't think it's _my _memories that I should be concerned about.' He finished his descent down the stairs only to turn back to face Clara. Their faces were both at the same height despite his standing whilst she was still seated.

'What do you mean?' The Doctor stared straight into her eyes.

'Ok. Um. How to explain this?' He said, his eyes flitting around the empty TARDIS air for inspiration. 'It's about perspective. The TARDIS has been with me since the beginning, hasn't she?'

'Your oldest companion.' At first the TARDIS and Clara had not gotten on well, but over time, they had fostered a mutual respect for one another. They both looked after the Doctor in their own unique ways.

'Quite. In this room, and the different variations of it, so much has happened over the years. So much living has been done in this one room. So many peoples and creatures have stepped…or forced themselves aboard and filled it with their time. She's alive, this old girl, you know. And she's only alive because we fill her with our time and our actions.' He patted the TARDIS handrail and the whole room seemed to sigh. The Doctor smiled as he was assured that he still maintained the same rapport as they'd always done. The hardware hadn't changed completely, just the desktop setting. 'I'm just another face for her to look after. A new foot in the door of this beautiful, big, blue box. My memories haven't been lost. They're being kept safe for me as part of the bigger story.' He threw his arms up in the air and spun to take in the glorious expanse of the TARDIS console room.

'I think I get it. The people make the places, right?' Clara pepped up. This time she was allowed to descend onto the main stage of the TARDIS. She watched how the Doctor spun and danced around the room. He was completely at home.

'Precisely. We are part of her life. She has outlasted so many of me and she'll continue to do so, I swear, while she's in my care. And now it's my turn…nay, duty to make the next bit of our trip all the more exciting. My memories were never really important. Regeneration gives a Time Lord an opportunity to reinvent himself. To prove himself again. To be good enough to be just a small part of the greater whole.' He leapt around the room, pushing buttons and pulling levers at will. 'We will forever be a part of her story. It's about belonging to the memories of those you care for because in those moments, you aren't just living. You're alive.'

'Forever the optimist, aren't you Doctor?' She smiled.

'Come on Clara. We've got work to do.'

-x-x-x-

Sorry it took me a little longer with this final part. Had exams and coursework and all those fun things!

Thank you so much for reading and I hope that you enjoyed it. xxx


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